That's it. I'm done.
I'm over dude culture so hard. I'm sure that life is really scary if you're a dude and all with women who do things like leave you and aren't super duper excited that you've impregnated them and want you do things like ZOMG hyphenate YOUR last name with hers JUST BECAUSE YOU GOT MARRIED. It sounds fucking awful.
So Hypatia's Household was restless and went to see a movie. We went to see Hot Tub Time Machine. How could you possibly go wrong with a movie whose premise is there is a hot tub, and it's a time machine. It has John fucking Cusack, for fuck's sake. How do you fuck it up?
You make the whole movie an extended joke about homophobia, non-consensual sex, how fucking hard it is to be a dude and then you throw in some racism (just a smidgen).
What I learned from Hot Tub Time Machine:
Dudes are sad when their women leave them. But sad only in a kind of plot point so that we know that John Cusack is kind of sad, it's hard to be him. But it's WAY more sad when his high school girlfriend breaks up with him, WHEN HE'S 40 AND SHE'S ACTUALLY STILL A TEENAGER. Also it's not fucking creepy IN THE SLIGHTEST when you find out that you're married to a woman THAT YOU ACTUALLY ONLY KNEW FOR LESS THAN 2 HOURS.
(Black) dudes are sad when their women ask them to give up their dream of being a mediocre singer and are really emasculated when they have to sacrifice their identity, THEIR PERSONAL SENSE OF SELF by CHANGING THEIR FUCKING NAME WHEN THEY GET MARRIED by hyphenating with hers. THIS, DUDES, IS THE WORST THING EVER, but it's probably ok if she changes her name to yours without hyphenating at all, in fact, it's probably fucking emasculating if not, because, apparently LIFE IS FUCKING SO HARD FOR DUDES. Also dudes are sad when their women cheat on them. But not so sad that they talk to the women about the email they broke into to find out about the cheating. And I'm assuming this is harder for Black dudes, because we all know how fucking pushy ALL Black women are. For reals.
It's totally NOT AT ALL A RAPEY THING TO DO to get a woman drunk to sleep with her. Nor is it at all to be remarked on that you INTENTIONALLY KNOCK HER UP. AGAIN, when YOU'RE IN YOUR 40s AND SHE'S A TEENAGER. Also, it's fucking HIGH MOTHERFUCKING COMEDY to make jokes about nonconsensual sex, so long as it's dudes blowing each other. And it's NOT RACIST AT ALL to trot out "once you go Black, you won't go back" or that black dudes ALL UNIVERSALLY BECAUSE THEY'RE SO FUCKING SEXUAL LIKE THAT have REALLY HUGE COCKS.
I cannot tell you how fucking OVER I am of the pop culture meme that ZOMG IT'S SO HARD FOR MEN OUT THERE. Dudes are just trying to be all dudely, and like THOSE FUCKING WOMEN WITH THEIR - well I'd say needs, but hot shit, owing to the movie's utter lack of character development of ANY of the characters, I'm not actually certain what WAS the fucking problem besides those dudes just generally being kind of huge fucking jerks. And really, if you're a huge fucking jerk, LIFE SHOULD TOTALLY SUCK FOR YOU.
I literally cannot remember enough of the movie to do justice to how annoying it was.
But you heard it here first, kids, Hypatia's Girl is officially throwing down the gauntlet on PEOPLE NOT FUCKING GETTING IT. I don't think that it should be hard to not be a giant douchecanoe. This common-sense radical will be there, loudly asking you why you are a douchecanoe. Oh, you think rape jokes are funny, huh jackass? Why is that? Oh, yeah, black guys have big cocks? Why are you such a racist piece of shit? Could you please detail me the ways in which you are not ACTIVELY MAKING LIFE WORSE FOR EVERY SINGLE FUCKING PERSON EVER by not being an active, informed, committed feminist/anti-racist/queer-ally? Because, dear world, frankly none of this shit ought to be hard any more. We should fucking know better. And I, for one, am 100% out of patience with this shit.